How to Deal With a Stalker

Over the years, I’ve trained many people (mostly women) who had to deal with stalkers. It’s been ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, co-workers, and even former patients of doctors.

Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with a “real” stalker myself, just women who called too much and left me way too many voicemails… but nothing where I felt like I was on the set of Fatal Attraction.   

The thing is, it’s truly scary how many men (again it’s mostly men) latch on to women and make their lives miserable and even kill them. So even though it’s going to be many years before my daughter starts dating, here’s a quick guide for how to handle a stalker that you may want to use yourself or pass on to a loved one.

First, when it comes to stalkers, women typically do the exact opposite of what they should be doing. If a woman goes out with a guy on a date and she isn’t interested in him she should make that 100% clear. I realize that we all want to be nice, but it’s very important to let that person know that you don’t wish to see them again and there’s no chance in you-know-where you’ll go on another date with them. In other words, don’t give them any hope.

Also, if that person starts calling, it is critical to ignore their calls and not respond to them. You see, most people will answer the calls and yell at the guy and tell them to stop calling… or they’ll email with them back and forth… or they’ll threaten them saying they’re going to get their brother or father to “pay them a visit.”

But like I just mentioned, this is the absolute wrong way to handle the situation. Each time you answer the phone or engage the stalker it gives them a little hope. If they leave 10 voicemails and you call them back after the 10^th voicemail then they’ve won and they know what it takes to get you to pay attention to them.

For a lot of people, it is very difficult to ignore someone, but that’s what you have to do. You can’t let them bait you into interacting with them. Once you’ve told them you’re not interested in them you need to stop contact, cold turkey.

Now, if it’s an ex-boyfriend, or friend, or someone you’re not extremely close to then they’ll eventually get the hint and they’ll go on to bother someone else. However, the real danger is when the stalker is an ex-spouse. Ex-spouses often murder the spouse they’re stalking, whereas, an ex-boyfriend or someone else not as emotionally involved rarely kills the person they’re stalking.

So if it’s an ex-husband, you also need to cut-off communication and you need to go into hiding, always carry a gun with you (which you should always carry anyway), and be alert at all times.

Hopefully, you never find yourself in the position of an ex-spouse stalking you, but either way, remember not to let the person play games and never return their calls or emails. Again, I realize that’s tough to do, but you only make things worse when you give them your attention.